H is for HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!

U is for the UNEXPECTED!!

M is for MORE MIRTH, PLEASE!! 

O is for “OH, MY, THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY!!” 

R is for the RELEASE that laughter gives us!!

B is for BEING INCLUDED, feeling you are a part 

     of something you care about, be it your 

     family, a circle of friends, or a community 

     that shares your interests or values.

E is for the EXQUISITE SENSE of PEACE  that 

     comes from having found your place in the 

     World.

L is for LOYALTY, loyalty to yourself. This allows      

     you to choose where you belong. When you 

      know who you are, and are true to that, then 

      you’ll automatically know where you belong. 

O is for OPPORTUNITIES, the opportunities

     that arise when you allow yourself 

     to belong. 

N is for NOTICING, noticing who and what you 

     drawn to as those are great clues as to 

     where you belong. 

G is for the GROWTH that happens 

     when you finally have found your place, and 

      allow yourself to root deeply into it. 

I is for INTEGRITY, the integrity that comes 

     from knowing who you are, where you 

     belong and living from those truths. 

N is for NOURISHING yourself by allowing 

     yourself to belong.

G is for GRACE, the Grace that comes from 

     doing the above.

I’ve heard it said that our thoughts create our reality and that beliefs are just thoughts repeated over and over again.

Both those concepts make sense to me. Our repeated thoughts do become our beliefs.

So now, let’s examine beliefs. Say, for example, you believe that you are lovable. Chances are that you allow yourself to be loved. But what if you believe that you are not lovable? What happens when someone gives you love? Do you trust it, do you allow yourself to take it in?  I’m afraid the answer is probably no. 

Your thoughts shape your beliefs and your beliefs shape your expectations. And those are very powerful indeed. 

I grew up in a neighborhood as a  German Christian in a Jewish neighborhood just a little over ten years after WWII ended. I had never been to Germany. In fact, I was born in Paris, France, but word got out that I  was “German”even though I didn’t see myself that way. Within a year of moving into that neighborhood, I went from feeling self-assured and confident to feeling like a social outcast, unaccepted and unacceptable.

When I was six years old, I was walking home from school with a classmate on a Friday afternoon in the fall, the sky grey and gloomy. Suddenly, unexpectedly, he stopped walking, turned abruptly to face me, and said angrily, “YOUR people killed 12 million of MY people!!” And that was all he said. I have no recollection of what happened after that.

Did he have a right to say that? Yes, because that is how he felt. My very presence was upsetting to him and he needed to say that. But I was a mere child, without the tools I needed to navigate the emotions his words brought up. I never told my parents that this had happened. It didn’t occur to me to do so. Thus, I had no help in how to respond to this. I reacted instead. 

His words made me FEEL that I was unwelcome, that I didn’t belong. That became a thought, “I don’t belong. I’m not accepted here.” Over time, that became an entrenched belief, as did the the expectation that I would be rejected.

I learned to EXPECT  rejection. That expectation remained with me long after I moved out of that neighborhood. Did it affect my life? Yes, it did. I sabotaged many friendships with my belief that I was unacceptable, with my expectation and fear of rejection. If you expect someone to reject you, chances are you’ll behave in a way that brings about that feared outcome. I know I did.

So what can we do about this? It’s simple, but not easy. We can examine our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. And it they aren’t healthy and uplifting, we can change them. 

Start small with something you can return to over and over again.  For me, it was the simple statement of “I belong.” I certainly didn’t FEEL I belonged growing up where I did and that belief stayed with me until I consciously began changing it. I worked at it daily. Overtime, I began to shift from feeling that I didn’t belong, to feeling that I did. I began to shift from expecting rejection to EXPECTING and ALLOWING ACCEPTANCE. Do I still work with that? Yes, because old patterns are rooted deeply in our bodies, our subconscious, and dare I say it, in our DNA. 

It isn’t enough to just think the new thought. You must FEEL it, feel it deeply for that is where the shift truly begins to happen. Our feelings create our thoughts, which then create our beliefs, which in turn create our expectations. 

Changing one’s thoughts,beliefs, and expectations takes time, patience, and persistence.

A therapist told me a long time ago that we have buckets of experience. When we’re choosing to create a new habit, we’re in effect installing  a new bucket of experience into our psyche. It will be much lighter than the older bucket which is filled to the brim with our thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and life experiences. The older bucket will outweigh the new one at first so it will be the one we and our subconscious go to until our new bucket gains some weight. But over time, as the new bucket is filled with these new experiences of our own choosing, it WILL become our go-to bucket. 

Keep in mind that it doesn’t matter what happened in the past. We have no power to change it. But in this present moment, right here and now, this is where we DO have power. It is the ONLY place where we can make changes. 

Change a thought today. FEEL it deeply. Repeat this process over and over again and you are on your way to creating a new belief which will create a new expectation. 

Enjoy this new reality that you are creating. It is your birthright to do this, to claim your own life, to nurture it and yourself. You have the ability to do this and as you do, you will become stronger, braver, and happier. 

Trust the inner compass you were born with. Let it guide you to the thoughts, beliefs, and expectations that are truly YOURS, that are in alignment with whom you want to be, not any unhealthy, disempowering thoughts and beliefs that you may have been fed as a child. Choose thoughts that are uplifting, ones that broaden and enhance your life. 

Remember, just because you THINK something is true, doesn’t mean it IS. Be willing to CHANGE your mind. When you do, you are not just changing your mind. You are CHANGING YOUR LIFE as well.